Bad Movie Night 11/15/06- Cutthroat Island
I completely expected this movie to be one of the worst pirate movies ever made besides maybe that one with that undead rotting corpse pirate on the sci-fi channel that ends up having sex with a porn star. However, that's when the explosions started and when that many explosions happen I lose the ability to say anything bad about a movie. Except when there wasn't explosions going off and I was overwhelmed by the bad acting of Geena Davis who had obviously never seen a pirate movie or taken a class on acting. She butchered line after line that if had been delived properly wouldn't be all that bad.
The 5 B's
Blood: There was plenty of blood stains and a little bit of gore. The shock of the main character carrying around her father's scalp was quickly lost. Mostly because she didn't act like someone who is carrying around their father's scalp when she pulled it out.
Boobs: Morgan wasn't bad looking and she was in just about the whole movie but she never got naked. She also wasn't attractive enough to win me over with her poorly delivered lines.
Baddie: Plenty of betrayers in this movie appropriate seeing as it's a pirate movie. Though I love how most of the crew didn't seem to care who was in charge of the ship. Like that song by the Who. The main baddie got a nice sword fight with Morgan before she shot him with a cannon which is the best way to end a sword fight in my opinion.
Boom: Oh, there was boom. Things exploded in balls of fire that couldn't have possibly exploded in balls of fire. The law fires on the port they are supposed to be protecting quite possibly killing dozens of innocent lives and then irronically cutting off their own pursuit of the pirates their after. No one told them that cannon balls don't explode... then again they didn't tell them that wood and flesh was explosive
Bad Acting: The main actress couldn't deliver a line without it sounding both strained and utterly unpirate like. The main actor sounded like he was trying to play the jack of all trades from the Princes Bride except that he liked to steal things. And, actually... the 'romantic' scenes between them were pretty boring stuff.
The 5 B's
Blood: There was plenty of blood stains and a little bit of gore. The shock of the main character carrying around her father's scalp was quickly lost. Mostly because she didn't act like someone who is carrying around their father's scalp when she pulled it out.
Boobs: Morgan wasn't bad looking and she was in just about the whole movie but she never got naked. She also wasn't attractive enough to win me over with her poorly delivered lines.
Baddie: Plenty of betrayers in this movie appropriate seeing as it's a pirate movie. Though I love how most of the crew didn't seem to care who was in charge of the ship. Like that song by the Who. The main baddie got a nice sword fight with Morgan before she shot him with a cannon which is the best way to end a sword fight in my opinion.
Boom: Oh, there was boom. Things exploded in balls of fire that couldn't have possibly exploded in balls of fire. The law fires on the port they are supposed to be protecting quite possibly killing dozens of innocent lives and then irronically cutting off their own pursuit of the pirates their after. No one told them that cannon balls don't explode... then again they didn't tell them that wood and flesh was explosive
Bad Acting: The main actress couldn't deliver a line without it sounding both strained and utterly unpirate like. The main actor sounded like he was trying to play the jack of all trades from the Princes Bride except that he liked to steal things. And, actually... the 'romantic' scenes between them were pretty boring stuff.
posted by Goddamn Batman at 8:30 AM
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