Bad Movie Night 05/14/08- The Fly II
Bad Movie Night did not happen last week just in case you are some deviant going through the archives and wondering if that was the week we were replaced by pod people. Sometimes when people start picking movies I wish that I had been replace by a pod person so that I wouldn't feel the pain of a country music montage. There was a horrible country music montage that felt at best out of place and was more along the lines of the cinema version of a "bad touch". Not since the rave/sex scene in The Matrix Reloaded have I felt so violated. Maybe I'm being too harsh on country music but when I think country I think of dark bars and weepy cowboys, not romantic montages or mutant fly-people. Oddly I am struck by the notion of line dancing mutant fly-people wearing cowboy hats. This movie didn't make my cry out in pain (besides when the guy from the first movie said "he bugged me") but it was kind of like everyone was just going through the motions. Kind of like the awkward fully-clothed sexings that are filmed for some reason by a perverted security guard. Apparently being a complete douche bag is one of the requirements for getting a job at the lab most of the movie takes place at. Also they did the most useless things... like telling Martin that they were secretly video taping him, and giving him mysterious injections that turned out to be water. Why even bother?!
The Fly II picks up where The Fly left off... the girlfriend of the original fly-man giving birth to their hideous love spawn. Who turns out to look like a normal baby. This lab is where the main character grows up really fast and never sleeps because he has fly DNA or something. And, he is also highly intelligent and has photographic memory... you know like flies have. It's pretty much a normal life: he's viewed 24/7 through a one way mirror though the guy on duty is almost always asleep, he has a pet golden retriever... that becomes a hideous abomination to God, and a girlfriend who is at least 5 times his age. That's pretty much the typical childhood, right? I kept waiting for the mind scarring reveal scene when Daphne Zuniga's character is told that she just awkwardly "jackhammered" a five year old. Which even in West Virgina is still illegal, unless they're married of course.
There is a lot of build up for not much pay off. For some reason I was expecting bloodshed and violence all over the place once Martin Brundle (Eric Stoltz) got turned into a giant fly. I mean there was quite a bit of gore but then it ended just as quickly as it started with a surprisingly happy ending. Remember how The Fly ended all depressingly? Well at the end of this one... the guy gets the girl, and Boss Badguy gets mutated into a hideous cabbage man, and when Boss Badguy gets mutated into a horrible man thing, his coworkers go with the irony policy and put him in the same holding cell as the mutant dog.
Blood: The movie had it's gross out moments which I'd say focused more about puss than blood. Lord this movie had a lot of puss and puss-like secretions. Not much blood comes to mind except when that guy's head got crushed by an elevator. Which was both bloody and hilarious. Oh and when a needle gets snapped off in the guy's arm. Even though most of the movie was pretty straight forward... the scene where the dog gets mutated by teleportation alone is enough to prime your weak hearted friends for a good scare by making a loud noise behind them.
Babes: The love interest was kind of cute in the 80's sort of way. There was a sex scene which was very awkward to watch... though the security guard got a lot out of it. Apparently porn was a rarity in the late 80's. Also... the sex scene is between a woman in her mid 20's and a 5 year old. It really shouldn't be enjoyable to anyone.
Baddie: There are several characters that you can find an ax to grind with. From the jackass lab guy, to the bitch of a nurse, then there is Boss Badguy... who has decided to be bad for science. In the same way poking a cat with a stick until it goes crazy and joins the Hell's Angels can be called science.
Boom: Stuff got knocked around, stuff got mutated in teleportation... I was disappointed by there being a big sign that says Danger High Voltage in the final shoot out scene... and then nobody got electrocuted. What a jip!
Bad Acting: The main character is just hilarious on his acting "style"... which I never quite got. I think he's supposed to be acting like a five year old genius who just happens to look like a teenager but then he jumps right in to bed with his new girl friend. This movie is kind of weird to say the least.
The Fly II picks up where The Fly left off... the girlfriend of the original fly-man giving birth to their hideous love spawn. Who turns out to look like a normal baby. This lab is where the main character grows up really fast and never sleeps because he has fly DNA or something. And, he is also highly intelligent and has photographic memory... you know like flies have. It's pretty much a normal life: he's viewed 24/7 through a one way mirror though the guy on duty is almost always asleep, he has a pet golden retriever... that becomes a hideous abomination to God, and a girlfriend who is at least 5 times his age. That's pretty much the typical childhood, right? I kept waiting for the mind scarring reveal scene when Daphne Zuniga's character is told that she just awkwardly "jackhammered" a five year old. Which even in West Virgina is still illegal, unless they're married of course.
There is a lot of build up for not much pay off. For some reason I was expecting bloodshed and violence all over the place once Martin Brundle (Eric Stoltz) got turned into a giant fly. I mean there was quite a bit of gore but then it ended just as quickly as it started with a surprisingly happy ending. Remember how The Fly ended all depressingly? Well at the end of this one... the guy gets the girl, and Boss Badguy gets mutated into a hideous cabbage man, and when Boss Badguy gets mutated into a horrible man thing, his coworkers go with the irony policy and put him in the same holding cell as the mutant dog.
Blood: The movie had it's gross out moments which I'd say focused more about puss than blood. Lord this movie had a lot of puss and puss-like secretions. Not much blood comes to mind except when that guy's head got crushed by an elevator. Which was both bloody and hilarious. Oh and when a needle gets snapped off in the guy's arm. Even though most of the movie was pretty straight forward... the scene where the dog gets mutated by teleportation alone is enough to prime your weak hearted friends for a good scare by making a loud noise behind them.
Babes: The love interest was kind of cute in the 80's sort of way. There was a sex scene which was very awkward to watch... though the security guard got a lot out of it. Apparently porn was a rarity in the late 80's. Also... the sex scene is between a woman in her mid 20's and a 5 year old. It really shouldn't be enjoyable to anyone.
Baddie: There are several characters that you can find an ax to grind with. From the jackass lab guy, to the bitch of a nurse, then there is Boss Badguy... who has decided to be bad for science. In the same way poking a cat with a stick until it goes crazy and joins the Hell's Angels can be called science.
Boom: Stuff got knocked around, stuff got mutated in teleportation... I was disappointed by there being a big sign that says Danger High Voltage in the final shoot out scene... and then nobody got electrocuted. What a jip!
Bad Acting: The main character is just hilarious on his acting "style"... which I never quite got. I think he's supposed to be acting like a five year old genius who just happens to look like a teenager but then he jumps right in to bed with his new girl friend. This movie is kind of weird to say the least.
posted by Goddamn Batman at 4:36 PM
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