Movies that make Little Zee squee!

Although this movie was made in 1999, I just now got around to seeing it. I had heard a lot about it, seen it referenced EVERYWHERE, from V for Vendetta to Epic Movie, but before I get too much into it, this is the summary from IMDB:

Irish brothers Connor & Murphy McManus live and work in Boston. Feeling that God's will to rid Earth from all human Evil was given to them as a mission, they set out to do their divine deed. A public outcry is never heard, and even FBI agent Paul Smecker, who follows their trace of bloodshed, admits that the boys are doing exactly what he secretly always has wished to happen. Risking their lives for their beliefs of Veritas (truth) and Aequitas (justice), the Boondock Saints are hyped by the public, for they are doing good, which only few dare to admit.

Now, I'm not one for Religion, but this movie makes me want to be Catholic. The way right before they kill someone they say the little prayer right before they kill is so amazing! I wish I had their moves, because they have some killer ones. (No pun intended.)
It's a movie that has a lot of sick comedy, funny comedy, AWESOME comedy, bad things happening to bad people, and so on so forth. I really recommend this movie to any one that has vision. (If you don't, I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend you.)
Hope you check it out!
(And sorry to take so long to write another entry, I'll try to get better at it.)

Neverending Kung-Fu

"Ignore the man behind the curtain!" Oh Snap! "He's a Monkey!"

The Forbidden Kingdom is coming out on DVD soon. I recently got a job working at a movie rental store. Which is basically my dream job minus the being on my feet all day. If I could sit and talk to random strangers about movies all day.... well that would be an amazing job. I don't think many people saw this in theaters. Even though my initial reaction was one of orgasmic delight... at just the idea of Jackie Chan and Jet Lee fighting each other in a crazy wire fu epic. The trailers weren't that good though and I've fallen too often for a movie that seemed like a good idea in theory but then didn't turn out that well. *cough* Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow *cough*... I apologize to the people that like that movie. I'm sorry you like shit, so very sorry.

The first 15 minutes of the movie is like most movies where kids go to magic worlds. The world basically is a crap hole full of bullies and things keeping the kid from being able to fulfill his hopes and dreams. This kid's dreams are to be a hung-fu master... and he has a pretty good plan to get there. Watch a bunch of kung fu movies. This kid has a thing for kung-fu movies. I'm not sure if "a thing" is a strong enough term. He has a thing in the same way that a meth addict kind of likes meth. To the point that he shows up to a closed store in hong kong and the owner doesn't seem surprised at all to see him... obviously used to him showing up at strange hours jonesing for a hit of "hong kong phooey".

During a botched robbery he's transported into a magical world of Kung Fu... kind of like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. Now instead of running into a scarecrow, a lion, and a tin man... he runs into Jet Li, Jackie Chan, and this incredibly attractive young lady who is out on a quest to kill the Jade Warlord... ironically with a jade throwing dart/ tuning pick. You see 500 years ago an enlightened king decided to ascend into heaven to meditate. And, because he was so very wise and benevolent... he left the biggest asshole he could find in charge. This asshole decided to go around getting all the Asian tail he could find, beating up animals , and committing crimes against humanity. Namely wearing really ugly looking make-up. If Mimi from The Drew Carey Show was from China... that is what she would look like. So, while he wasn't being a dick... he decided to mess up the world as best he could.

Enter the kung fu movie addict, or as I like to call him... Honkey McWhitey... How many magical/sci-fi societies get saved from the brink of destruction by a white kid? A lot. But, first he has to go through a montage of kung fu training by Jet Lee and Jackie Chan. Jackie is drunk most of the time... he claims that he is immortal and not drinking wine all the time will be his downfall. Later we find out he isn't immortal and is just an alcoholic. Whichs means a good bit of the dialogue from the beginning of the movie is pointless.
Jet Li plays a jackass...who steals the sacred staff from Honkey McWhitey and in one seen pees in Jackie Chan's face. I'm hoping that it was because he thought it was funny and didn't get off on it, but you should be the judge. I personally think it was the first bukkake that I have ever seen with a PG-13 rating.

This finally ends in a massive kung fu battle and the magical king returns just in the nick of time to take credit for all the work that Honkey and his Asian sidekicks have accomplished. The Jade Emperor grants Honkey a wish. And, instead of wishing to be immortal, for gold, or women.... he wishes to go home. Like every freaking movie where white kids go off to save a magical world.... they want to go home like pansies at the end. Even though they are respected and powerful here... for some stupid reason they want to go back to a world that basically sucks.

Then he beats the crap out of the leader of an Hispanic street gang and foreshadows a possible h0okup with a girl who looks just like the girl from The Forbidden Kingdom.

Blood: Not much real blood since most of the violence is high kung fu and not swords and guns. Though Jet Li gets pretty messed up towards the end. When Chinese Mimi messes him up right before the Monkey King shows up and shit gets... as they say... "real."

Babes: Two of the best looking asian women I have ever seen. One of them is evil... and quite possibly Shao Kahn's wife from Mortal Kombat Trilogy.

Baddies: The heroes are constantly hounded by witches, minions, flying monkeys... and *cough* scratch the flying monkeys... they're on the good guy's side in thie movie. Heh.

Boom: If Jet Li and Jackie Chan beating the crap out of each other wasn't boom enough... then I don't know what else there is to convince you.

Bad Acting: Almost all of the actors who are in this movie are native speaking Chinese... sometimes you can tell it.

Overall Rating: 6/10

Little Zee's Pics: Super Mario Brothers

This movie was made in 1993, but I just got around to watching it. I've wanted to watch it ever since I knew about it, and my curiosity ended up leading me to a copy of it. Now, all the other reviews said it was "A horrible movie. Don't see it."... But I thought it was great! Taking into account the year it was made, and how amazing the actors were, it was a wonderful movie. Now, true, it has almost NOTHING to do with the game series, but it was still a wonderful movie.
It stars Bob Hoskins as Mario Mario, and John Leguizamo as Luigi Mario. (I didn't realize this until about three minutes in, then I was like "No. There's no way, man. That's just too awesome." So, I went to google and, sure enough. It was him. At that point, I just had to watch the rest of the movie) It also had Samantha Mathis as Princess Daisy. (Not Princess Peach, but Princess Daisy.)
One of the ways this movie was different from the game was the Gomba's. Instead of being lovely little brown mushrooms, they were dinosaurs. Or rather, people that got "Devolved" by the evil King Koopa. *aka Bowser, for those not game literate* (Played by Dennis Hopper) And, rather than "King Koopa" being a giant turtle, he was a person. Nothing fancy, just a regular person that evolved from a T-Rex. Also, it revolved around Princess Daisy, not Peach. (Which I thought was a huge improvement.)
Now, what this movie was about:
"This is the story of two hard working Italian plumber brothers named Mario Mario and Luigi Mario, who befriends a young paleontologist named Daisy. She uncovers a massive find of mysterious new dinosaur bones. While exploring the tunnels where dinosaur fossils lay, saboteurs hired by the Mario Bros. rival businessman, Anthony Scapelli, to break some underground pipes. Meanwhile, in a hidden world called Dino-world, King Koopa's land is running out of water and going through problems so he sends Spike and Iggy to kidnap Daisy! Now the Super Mario Bros. find themselves the only hope to save the Earth from invasion then challenge a diabolical lizard king and they must battle giant reptilian goombas, outwit misfit thugs and undermine sinister scheme by taking over the world" (Taken from IMBD; written by Written by Anthony Pereyra {hypersonic91@yahoo.com}, because I'm too lazy to type it out.)

I think that everyone needs to see this movie, as silly and old as it may be.

Bad Movie Night 6/4/08- I'm Gonna Get You Sucka!

This movie was bad... in such a very very good way. Usually we don't watch parodies and comedies for Bad Movie Night. But, I am certainly glad that this movie came up because it made me laugh more than any movie that I've seen this year. For the most part the jokes were funny and their was still plenty of movie to make fun of. The plot takes elements from several different types of blacksploitation films and brings them all into one movie. A lot of the jokes are predictable, not including the plethora of running gags. My favorite scene is when Kung Fu Joe gets pulled over by the cops. I was laughing about that for about a week after seeing the movie.

The story takes place in "Any Ghetto USA" and focuses on two women who have lost a son and a husband respectfully. He died of wearing too many gold chains. A returning son and love interest (Keenen Ivory Wayans), again respectfully, decides to avenge his brother's death. He gathers together a group of black heroes and starts going down the road of black heroism himself. Together they run the mob boss "Mr. Big" out of town. Taking the law into their own hands.

If you've seen a few blacksploitation films from the 70's then you might really enjoy this movie. There are plenty of jokes that will be a lot funnier if you are familiar with the genre as a whole. Though I wouldn't try to sway you from seeing this movie if you are just looking for a cheap laugh. Pay close attention some of the jokes are pretty subtle.

Blood: There are some bloody moments but they are so damn funny that I have to appreciate them more for the jokes than for my usual enjoyment of violence.

Babes: There are some women who are supposed to be attractive, judging from the male character's reactions, but I didn't really see anything that I was very attracted to.

Baddie: The main bad guy, Mr. Big is completely forgettable and is barely in the movie. Sure he plots the protagonist's demise but he isn't too bad.

Boom: There is some awesome boomage in this film. The action is for the most part comical but it's supposed to be that way.

Bad Acting: If anything the acting is really well done for the type of movie this is. I enjoyed the actor's timing and the chemistry between the actors.

Overall Rating: 6/10