Iron Man Three Review

It's been a long time since I've written a review.  I've been through a lot but there are no excuses.  But I'm inspired to come back again and hopefully for good this time. Iron Man 3 marks the end of the Iron Man trilogy and has him facing his arch nemesis the Mandarin.  The Mandarin is to Iron Man as The Joker is to Batman... a violent sociopath with powers bestowed onto him by rings that can warp the very nature of reality.  It's a match of magic versus technology that defines Tony Stark as both a man and as a hero.

Unfortunately, it's spoiler time boys and girls so do not read any further if you haven't seen the movie and intend to see it without bias.  I'm not kidding... skedaddle, shoo... alright you can stay.  But don't say I didn't warn you.  The movie drops the ball in that The Mandarin isn't the villain of the movie, some nobody declares himself The Mandarin but the epic, evil, egomaniac that Ben Kingsley sold to us in the trailers wasn't present.  This would be a big twist and good storytelling if these weren't established characters but they are.  Iron Man 3 is a great movie but it is an awful comic book movie.

The element that makes good comic book movies is the dynamic bigger than life characters.  Robert Downey Jr is Tony Stark, he is Iron Man, he plays his role to the hilt and delivers an amazing performance every time.  If you've seen the trailers you know that Ben Kingsley does a fantastic Mandarin, he owns the character, right up until the moment that it's inexplicably taken from him.  As it turns out the Mandarin isn't real, he's a figure head used as the "face of evil" while the real bad guy runs the show.  You know like in Batman Begins but instead of being the "real Mandarin" the new guy is a weak mustache twirling villain that is literally upset that Tony Stark stood him up when they had a date.  He is the weakest villain that has appeared in a Marvel Studios movie and was a pathetic excuse for the ending of a trilogy.

In the first Iron Man movie the Ten Rings is established as a terrorist group and like myself most people thought this was an allusion to The Mandarin.  In this movie we find out that the terrorist group the Ten Rings isn't real... *skkkkkrrrrtt*  Huh?  The side villains of the first movie aren't real?  The huge terrorist organization isn't real?  Iron Man 3 throws away so much history and established characters just for an overdone cheap fake out that I didn't see coming only because it was really really dumb.  Iron Man 3 is still a good movie but it is not a good comic book movie.  It gives the middle finger to fans of the comics and replaces a dynamic character with one that is shallow and forgettable.

I know this is a good movie but anyone who is a fan of the comics is likely to be a lot disappointed. The friends that I went to see it with who didn't know who The Mandarin was loved it.  As a fan of the comic I found the whole thing to be a slap in the face and overall disappointing.  

Time for the Five Bees!!!!

Blood:  Tony Stark gets plenty banged up this movie and the violence is a little over the top.  People are turned into living suicide bombs, plenty of people are shot to death, limbs are chopped off, and on more than one occasion someone has a fist rammed through their chest.  I'm surprised the movie got away with a PG-13 rating with the death count being as high as it was. 

Babes:  Rebecca Hall and Gwyneth Paltrow are both looking beautiful and both end up briefly scantily clad though maybe not as scantily clad as one might like.  Speaking of clad it was cool to see Gwyneth Paltrow wearing a suit of armor if only briefly.  

Baddie: This is where the movie falls flat on it's face.  The new guy coming in and declaring he is the Mandarin at the end would be like if Killer Croc showed up during Dark Knight Rises dressed in a skin tight leather outfit and claimed that he was Catwoman.  It was a bad twist and left a sour taste in anyone's mouth who was looking forward to the fight between Iron Man and The Mandarin that was foreshadowed since the first movie. 

Boom: No complaints here, there are so many good explosions.  Even at the end, Tony Stark blows up his suits for no good reason.  As a grand gesture to his girlfriend who has just expressed an understanding to why he wears the suits. 

Bad Acting: Guy Pearce was hamming it up like you wouldn't believe.  If he had a mustache he would twirl that mother.  Snidely Whiplash would have been a more subtle villain. 

Overall Rating: 6.5

I watch the Watchmen

This movie was good but strangely enough I did not 'get into it'. I recognized that it was a good movie. But I was never sucked into the movie. The whole time I found my self obviously aware that I was indeed watching a movie. Usually I get lost in a movie... become part of the movie and let it wash over me like flickering beauty. I love to get lost in movies. Maybe I was just in a mood. But, when yesterday I watched Leonard part 6 I doubt I was any different a mood and this is a movie where Bill Cosby stars as an international man of mystery. So, I'm going to go ahead and blame the movie for a lack of something.

Maybe it was because I'm familiar with the graphic novel and have read it multiple times. Every line that was a direct quote drug me out of the movie and every line that was wrong brought my attention back to the land of the real. To be honest the only thing that pulled at my feet like undercurrent were the way too brief scenes with Rorschach. Jackie Earle Haley did such an amazing job with the character it was scary. I just wish his scenes were a bit more extended.

Something interesting I noticed... the movie was violent even compared to the comic book but they removed cigarettes like they were the devil. Silk Spectre pressing the flame button makes no sense now. Why did she do it? Possibly retarded? In the comic she wanted to light her cigarette and was looking for the dash lighter. I know the movie was already a bit long but it was missing a good bit of the comic. And, I sure don't mean the pirate comic book montage. That was lame. I mean the tear jerking death of Hollis Mason the original Nite Owl. Rorschach hitting the streets to find out what's going on. And, the scene where Rorschach becomes Rorschach.... the flames... the horror... the poetry of the death of Walter Kovaks.

This should not take away from the true work of art this movie is. I need to see it again without trying to compare it to it's source literature.

Blood: The movie was a bit gore filled in places. They make it no mystery that it is a little girl's leg bone that the two german shepherds are fighting over. (for the less intelligent movie goers benefit). At one point a guy even gets his arms cut off which is totally different from the comic bot no less or more disturbing. This movie might not be for the weak of heart.

Babes: The movie has a few babes. Silk Spectre isn't the best looking dame to hit theaters but her sex scene was not an unpleasant experience. Someone told me that it focuse too much on nite owl's ass. I didn't notice nite owl in that scene... so yeah.

Baddies: Oh. Ozymandias makes an amazingly compelling villian. You can almost see that he is trying to do good. He tried to do it through heroism but when that failed he had to save the world by becoming the villian. He is powerful not just because of his strength and speed but also because of his intelligence.

Boom: The action sequences are delicious. And, stuff really goes up in smoke right there at the end. Boom! I can't say too much about the big boom lest I ruin the ending for those who haven't seen this movie. But, the boom boom is good stuff.

Bad Acting: The only acting individual that I could say was a bad actor is this moving is the original Silk Spectre. Lordy if she didn't have the look of "where's my paycheck" on her face. All of the other characters were believable. Some of the acting... like Owl and Rorshachs performances were insanely good.

Overall Rating: 5/10 This movie was so close to being freaking awesome.

Movies that make Little Zee squee!

Although this movie was made in 1999, I just now got around to seeing it. I had heard a lot about it, seen it referenced EVERYWHERE, from V for Vendetta to Epic Movie, but before I get too much into it, this is the summary from IMDB:

Irish brothers Connor & Murphy McManus live and work in Boston. Feeling that God's will to rid Earth from all human Evil was given to them as a mission, they set out to do their divine deed. A public outcry is never heard, and even FBI agent Paul Smecker, who follows their trace of bloodshed, admits that the boys are doing exactly what he secretly always has wished to happen. Risking their lives for their beliefs of Veritas (truth) and Aequitas (justice), the Boondock Saints are hyped by the public, for they are doing good, which only few dare to admit.

Now, I'm not one for Religion, but this movie makes me want to be Catholic. The way right before they kill someone they say the little prayer right before they kill is so amazing! I wish I had their moves, because they have some killer ones. (No pun intended.)
It's a movie that has a lot of sick comedy, funny comedy, AWESOME comedy, bad things happening to bad people, and so on so forth. I really recommend this movie to any one that has vision. (If you don't, I'm sorry, I don't mean to offend you.)
Hope you check it out!
(And sorry to take so long to write another entry, I'll try to get better at it.)

Neverending Kung-Fu

"Ignore the man behind the curtain!" Oh Snap! "He's a Monkey!"

The Forbidden Kingdom is coming out on DVD soon. I recently got a job working at a movie rental store. Which is basically my dream job minus the being on my feet all day. If I could sit and talk to random strangers about movies all day.... well that would be an amazing job. I don't think many people saw this in theaters. Even though my initial reaction was one of orgasmic delight... at just the idea of Jackie Chan and Jet Lee fighting each other in a crazy wire fu epic. The trailers weren't that good though and I've fallen too often for a movie that seemed like a good idea in theory but then didn't turn out that well. *cough* Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow *cough*... I apologize to the people that like that movie. I'm sorry you like shit, so very sorry.

The first 15 minutes of the movie is like most movies where kids go to magic worlds. The world basically is a crap hole full of bullies and things keeping the kid from being able to fulfill his hopes and dreams. This kid's dreams are to be a hung-fu master... and he has a pretty good plan to get there. Watch a bunch of kung fu movies. This kid has a thing for kung-fu movies. I'm not sure if "a thing" is a strong enough term. He has a thing in the same way that a meth addict kind of likes meth. To the point that he shows up to a closed store in hong kong and the owner doesn't seem surprised at all to see him... obviously used to him showing up at strange hours jonesing for a hit of "hong kong phooey".

During a botched robbery he's transported into a magical world of Kung Fu... kind of like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. Now instead of running into a scarecrow, a lion, and a tin man... he runs into Jet Li, Jackie Chan, and this incredibly attractive young lady who is out on a quest to kill the Jade Warlord... ironically with a jade throwing dart/ tuning pick. You see 500 years ago an enlightened king decided to ascend into heaven to meditate. And, because he was so very wise and benevolent... he left the biggest asshole he could find in charge. This asshole decided to go around getting all the Asian tail he could find, beating up animals , and committing crimes against humanity. Namely wearing really ugly looking make-up. If Mimi from The Drew Carey Show was from China... that is what she would look like. So, while he wasn't being a dick... he decided to mess up the world as best he could.

Enter the kung fu movie addict, or as I like to call him... Honkey McWhitey... How many magical/sci-fi societies get saved from the brink of destruction by a white kid? A lot. But, first he has to go through a montage of kung fu training by Jet Lee and Jackie Chan. Jackie is drunk most of the time... he claims that he is immortal and not drinking wine all the time will be his downfall. Later we find out he isn't immortal and is just an alcoholic. Whichs means a good bit of the dialogue from the beginning of the movie is pointless.
Jet Li plays a jackass...who steals the sacred staff from Honkey McWhitey and in one seen pees in Jackie Chan's face. I'm hoping that it was because he thought it was funny and didn't get off on it, but you should be the judge. I personally think it was the first bukkake that I have ever seen with a PG-13 rating.

This finally ends in a massive kung fu battle and the magical king returns just in the nick of time to take credit for all the work that Honkey and his Asian sidekicks have accomplished. The Jade Emperor grants Honkey a wish. And, instead of wishing to be immortal, for gold, or women.... he wishes to go home. Like every freaking movie where white kids go off to save a magical world.... they want to go home like pansies at the end. Even though they are respected and powerful here... for some stupid reason they want to go back to a world that basically sucks.

Then he beats the crap out of the leader of an Hispanic street gang and foreshadows a possible h0okup with a girl who looks just like the girl from The Forbidden Kingdom.

Blood: Not much real blood since most of the violence is high kung fu and not swords and guns. Though Jet Li gets pretty messed up towards the end. When Chinese Mimi messes him up right before the Monkey King shows up and shit gets... as they say... "real."

Babes: Two of the best looking asian women I have ever seen. One of them is evil... and quite possibly Shao Kahn's wife from Mortal Kombat Trilogy.

Baddies: The heroes are constantly hounded by witches, minions, flying monkeys... and *cough* scratch the flying monkeys... they're on the good guy's side in thie movie. Heh.

Boom: If Jet Li and Jackie Chan beating the crap out of each other wasn't boom enough... then I don't know what else there is to convince you.

Bad Acting: Almost all of the actors who are in this movie are native speaking Chinese... sometimes you can tell it.

Overall Rating: 6/10

Little Zee: Journey To The Center Of The Earth IN 3-D!

(Notice it doesn't say Little Zee's Pics)
This movie was awful. It literally made me sick. (Not because it was bad, but because the 3-D made me very, very ill) I don't reccomend seeing it if you're like me, meaning if you get motion sickness, or headaches very easily. I saw it last night, and my head still hurts.
Anyways, about the movie. IT WAS AWFUL! For one thing, it had no story plot. It barely had anything to do with the original novel, and I think if Jules Verne saw it today, he would be so disappointed. (I know I was.)
The movie begins with some random guy being chased by a T-Rex, and then falling in a giant pit of lava. We discover later that that was the main character's brother, and the supporting characters dad. It was super, and I do mean SUPER, cheesy. Awful. Just. Awful. (And I don't usually say that about movies. Usually, I'm nice about them, but this one. No. Just. No.) The only good character in the movie was the T-Rex. AND HE DIDN'T EVEN SHOW UP BUT FOR A FEW SECONDS! I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL?
At the end of the movie, since there were only about 10 people in the theater, I stood up and screamed at the screen, "THAT WAS BAD, AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD."
I'm still waiting for the screen's response.
I'm not even going to take the time to get a synopsis of the movie, because it was so bad.
Google it if you want it.

Little Zee's Pics: Super Mario Brothers

This movie was made in 1993, but I just got around to watching it. I've wanted to watch it ever since I knew about it, and my curiosity ended up leading me to a copy of it. Now, all the other reviews said it was "A horrible movie. Don't see it."... But I thought it was great! Taking into account the year it was made, and how amazing the actors were, it was a wonderful movie. Now, true, it has almost NOTHING to do with the game series, but it was still a wonderful movie.
It stars Bob Hoskins as Mario Mario, and John Leguizamo as Luigi Mario. (I didn't realize this until about three minutes in, then I was like "No. There's no way, man. That's just too awesome." So, I went to google and, sure enough. It was him. At that point, I just had to watch the rest of the movie) It also had Samantha Mathis as Princess Daisy. (Not Princess Peach, but Princess Daisy.)
One of the ways this movie was different from the game was the Gomba's. Instead of being lovely little brown mushrooms, they were dinosaurs. Or rather, people that got "Devolved" by the evil King Koopa. *aka Bowser, for those not game literate* (Played by Dennis Hopper) And, rather than "King Koopa" being a giant turtle, he was a person. Nothing fancy, just a regular person that evolved from a T-Rex. Also, it revolved around Princess Daisy, not Peach. (Which I thought was a huge improvement.)
Now, what this movie was about:
"This is the story of two hard working Italian plumber brothers named Mario Mario and Luigi Mario, who befriends a young paleontologist named Daisy. She uncovers a massive find of mysterious new dinosaur bones. While exploring the tunnels where dinosaur fossils lay, saboteurs hired by the Mario Bros. rival businessman, Anthony Scapelli, to break some underground pipes. Meanwhile, in a hidden world called Dino-world, King Koopa's land is running out of water and going through problems so he sends Spike and Iggy to kidnap Daisy! Now the Super Mario Bros. find themselves the only hope to save the Earth from invasion then challenge a diabolical lizard king and they must battle giant reptilian goombas, outwit misfit thugs and undermine sinister scheme by taking over the world" (Taken from IMBD; written by Written by Anthony Pereyra {hypersonic91@yahoo.com}, because I'm too lazy to type it out.)

I think that everyone needs to see this movie, as silly and old as it may be.

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